Thursday, February 27, 2014

The Unspoken Understanding

"Diplomacy:  If you have to explain it, it isn't diplomacy."  The Quotations of Slim Fairview.

In some cultures and professions there exists on of the cornerstones of civility and civilisation--The Unspoken Understanding. The operative word--unspoken.

Recently, during the past half century, a fad has emerged. Talk.  Now, talk is not a bad think in and of itself.  The problem is: people don't want to listen.  Why not? Because they did.

"More people, more words. More words, more bad." ~ Slim Fairview

The reason why people "want to talk about it" is to bully other people into doing things they don't want to do.

This brings us to the old canard of days gone by:  "If you don't agree with me, I didn't explain it properly."  A satirical remark I remember from the sixties and seventies to describe...People Who Want to Talk About It.

This helps to illuminate the downside that arises when people listen:  They:

  • Convey the sentiment that they are or will be receptive to what the speaker has to say.
  • They are validating the speaker which leads to expectations.
  • Open themselves up to more problems if the speaker's position is not embraced.

 If the speaker's position is not embraced, it leads to feelings of:

  • Betrayal
  • Guilt
  • Resentment
  • Inadequacy

When the speaker's expectations are not fulfilled, the speaker is denied validation.  (Validation is a resource: withhold it at your own peril.)

When this happens, the response routinely includes but is not limited to:



False and Malicious Allegations

and or soft techniques of appeals, manipulations, and, of course, guilt.  And, of course, If you don't want to talk about it, it is because you are:

  • Stubborn
  • Opinionated
  • Narrow Minded
  • Ignorant
  • Old--Fashioned
  • Manipulated
  • Et. Alia.

Case in Point:

You've no doubt heard: "Your way isn't the only way of doing it, you know.  We should try it my way."

Have you ever heard: "My way isn't the only way of doing it, you know.  We should try it your way"?

Then there is the belligerent, "Who's to say what's right or wrong?"  Well, circumstances if not consequences will answer that question.  Too often, when it is too late to benefit from the answer.

This brings us back to The Unspoken Understanding.

  • Questions one never asks 
  • Replies never needed
  • Rebuffs never elicited 

The above are part of what I discussed in my article  Emerging Nations Economic Union about the manipulations techniques used by industrialised people to exploit the people in Emerging Nations.  There are positive virtues to not talking about it.  These are illuminated in
And President Obama Said...

The concept appears to have fallen into disfavour or neglect or to have been abandoned altogether.  Not so.

The Unspoken Understanding is still o9perating in full vigor.  Why this is not obvious is very simple to explain: People don't talk about it.


Warmest regards, 


Copyright (c) 2014 Slim Fairview / Robert Asken
All rights reserved.