Monday, July 18, 2011

Wolf Blitzer Buys a New Suit: How to fix the economy

Wolf Blitzer Buys a New Suit

For those who still have no grasp on how to fix the economy, another metaphor.

Wolf Blitzer wants to buy a new suit.  This, he figures, will attract more viewers [customers].  He borrows the money from John King—a CNN colleague.

Mr. Blitzer’s ratings [revenue] go up.  He repays Mr. King.

Mr. King, seeing Mr. Blitzer’s success, uses the profits from his lending venture to buy a new suit.  His ratings [customers] go up.

Upstairs, Mr. Turner is looking over the balance sheets.  He sees this uptick in [revenue].  He asks his accountant what happened.  His accountant tells him.  Mr. Turner gets an idea.  He issues a memo to his on air people.

CNN will make low interest loans to those who want to go out and buy a new outfit to wear on the air.

Ratings go up.  Revenue goes up.  Mr. Turner issues another memo.

Up until now, in the cafeteria, employees could buy a meal [breakfast, lunch, or dinner] for $10.  Due to the increased revenue, we are going to charge you [tax you] only $5.

As a result, the employees have more money to spend.  John King buys a new tie.  Gloria Borger buys a new scarf.  Candy Crowley buys a necklace.  Don Lemon buys a new shirt.

This upgrade in the “metaphorical image” generates more viewers [customers].  Revenues go up.  Salaries are increased.  All is well in CNNtopia.

However, what if all were not so enlightened.

What if Wolf Blitzer had borrowed the money for his new suit from Bret Baier?

Well, Mr. Blitzer would still have a new suit.  However, the profits would have gone to Mr. Baier who would have used his profits to buy a new suit.  Mr. King, not having the profits from his loan to Mr. Blitzer, would have had to go to Shepard Smith for a loan to buy his new suit.

Now, Bret Baier and Shepard Smith could use their profits to invest in a business partnership to lend money to fellow Fox News Anchors.  They would have a spiffed up image and more viewers [customers] generating more revenue.

Back to CNN.

With Mr. Blitzer and Mr. King having to pay interest on the loans to people at Fox, they have to cut back on expenditures.  Now, instead of buying lunch or dinner in the cafeteria, they brown-bag it.  Revenues in the cafeteria fall.  CNN issues a memo.  Due to lost revenues, the cafeteria will have to raise prices [taxes] on lunches and dinners.  This affects the other employees.  No shirts, no scarves, no ties, no necklaces, declining image, lost customers, decreased revenues—CNNistant.

What is the crucial difference between CNNtopia and CNNistan?  That is the difference between solving the US economic crisis and not solving the US economic crisis.

Now, on to Economic Experts.

In another monograph, I referred to selling blue paint.   I chose blue because blue is my favourite colour.  As Freud said, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”
However, there is an opportunity to create a metaphor.

You watch CNN.  You watch as experts explain the economy. 

One economist works for a company that makes red paint.  He says, “If you want to sell more widgets, paint the walls of your company red.”

Another economist works for a company that makes blue paint.  He says, “If you want to sell more widgets, paint the walls of your company blue.”

Well, the bias is obvious.  Less so, the supporting facts.

Red:  “We have a study that says employees in companies with red walls are more pumped up and make more widgets—increased productivity.

Blue:  We have a study that says employees in companies with blue walls are more serene and make fewer mistakes—higher quality.

What both sides don’t say:

Employees in companies with red walls make more widgets but make more mistakes resulting in many widgets rejected for poor quality.

Employees in companies with blue walls make higher quality widgets with fewer mistakes, but make fewer widgets which results in lower productivity.

You can say both the Red Economist and The Blue Economist told the truth, half the truth, or half a lie [by omission]. 

Both sides misled the customers of the benefits of the paint they sell.

How do you fix an economy?

Here are a few easy to understand monographs on the topic.  Will this help you fix the economy?  Well, is fixing the economy your job?  What it will do is protect you from the politicians trying to sell you paint you don’t need to fix a problem that can’t be fixed with a can of paint.

Will $1 Billion Dollars create 7,000 jobs?  Yes and No.

Economic Stimulus, by Metaphor

The Multiplier Effect



PS.  I am not Paul Harvey.  However, I am open to becoming a commentator, columnist, or paid blogger.

If you’ve found anything I said to be helpful, please don’t hesitate to send me one of those tricked-out laptops and to tuck a few dollars into the envelope along with the thank you note.

Sincerest regards,


Copyright © 2011 Slim Fairview